Girls trips? Life journeys? Relationships? How to leave your ego at the door

I was recently invited to go on a girls trip and I learned a lot about connections and the human experience.  I tend to be introspective.  I started solo traveling and enjoy the quiet times in nature.  I love people and have a lot of fun with my friends and family and at the same time I sometimes need a little alone time with nature.  While Walking down the Art District in Colorado I stumbled upon a sign that said “imagine the love we could all have, if we left our egos at the door”.  Ego!  We hear all about it…..the elusive ego.  We hear how it destroys relationships, but why? How? And what can we do about it?

First and foremost, it’s important to understand that our relationships are greatly influenced by our egos and that this can create an unhealthy dynamic in our lives.   It doesn’t matter if it is romantic, familiar, platonic.  We are all here to connect somehow.  In fact, We NEED CONNECTIONS TO THRIVE. All we have to do is remember the Harlow’s monkey/mother research that proved mammals require connection to survive.  It's not only water, food, and shelter. Research has consistently shown that our relationships not only determine our happiness, but also have a significant impact on our overall well-being.  Our ego is formed at an early age and is determined by our experience connecting to our parents, siblings and later our peers.   So obviously, it is essential that we take the necessary steps to ensure that ego isn't driving our human experience if we want that experience to be “peaceful” and happy.  Peaceful is in quotes because as we were stating our wishes with a champagne cheer, one of the girls wished for peace.  It created a huge joke amongst us.  However, the bottom line is that most breakups happen when we are no longer feeling at peace.  The unsettled state caused by egos at war!  Yes….EGOS at war. Whether it's a trip or our family life, it's ego that's in the drivers seat.

So how do we love without ego?  How can we all achieve this? After all, finding and staying in love is that elusive whimsy we all dream of having.

Well, one of the best ways to make sure that ego isn’t driving your relationships is to understand and recognize it when it appears. Start by watching for signs of ego when you talk to others, such as bragging about yourself or trying to monopolize the conversation. Maybe it isn't even bragging but dominating the plans. If you become aware of your own ego-driven behavior, take a step back and consider what you could be doing differently.  As you do this….EMPATHIZE with the other person.  How are they feeling?  How are your actions affecting them? This is different than being over anxious about what they’re thinking ....causing us to no longer be ourselves. Be yourself and still be able to be open to who they are and what they need.

Empathizing is realizing it’s not about us as individuals.  It’s about us in the human experience of connection.

Another way to make sure ego isn’t driving your relationships is by practicing active listening. This involves listening without judgement and making an effort to understand the other person’s perspective. It's also important to make an effort to be open and honest with the other person, while avoiding any kind of unhealthy criticism.

Finally, one of the most essential rules for maintaining healthy relationships is to leave your ego at the door. This means accepting that both people will make mistakes from time to time and that an authentic connection can only be created if everyone is willing to put in the effort to UNDERSTAND that we are all connecting in the hopes for the same exact thing:  a loving and “peaceful” relationship that continues to grow and entertain.  Who doesn’t want that?

At the end of the day, creating and maintaining healthy relationships requires us to be mindful of our own ego and actively practice self-awareness. We must recognize the power of positive communication, active listening and honesty in order to ensure that our relationships aren't driven by ego.

This is what I wish for all of us:  to have a heart that is open to everything and everyone, but not attach our peace to any given outcome.  Be empathetic, loving and creative together and understand that sometimes you can love someone and choose to live apart from them.  You leaving your ego at the door means that you develop the understanding that it is not personal.  It’s just experience!

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#ego #relationships #mental #healthyconnections #humanexperience #love #friendhsips